


Like My Mother Before Me

by rcmsw



Series: Rebelcaptain Appreciation Week [6]
Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Angst and Fluff, F/M, Fix-It, I will literally never write any other type of fic for this ship, Parent-Child Relationship, Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-24
Updated: 2017-04-24
Packaged: 2018-10-23 07:14:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10714755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rcmsw/pseuds/rcmsw
Summary: “I’m older now than my mother ever was,” Jyn says, brows knit, the words sinking in, matching the feeling that’s been gnawing at her. It’s a consequence of surviving the war. They’ve grown older when their parents never had the chance. Cassian understands but doesn’t realize how relevant it’s suddenly become.For Rebelcaptain Appreciation Week Day 2 - Comfort





	Like My Mother Before Me

**Author's Note:**

> Based off this line from Batman V. Superman Dawn of Justice:  
> “I'm older now than my father ever was. This may be the only thing I do that matters.”

Cassian’s not sure when Jyn managed to sneak off. He isn’t exactly surprised by it. She was never one for the center of a celebration, not even on her own birthday. She had come around to the idea of celebrating it more in the years since he and the others in Rogue One first marked the day. 

Ever since then, she’s accepted it with appreciation, and a lot of eye rolling. It was different, he knew, now that she once again had loved ones to share in it.

Tonight was just a relaxed celebration of the people she would actually care to see collected in their home - a small gathering. Still, he hadn’t noticed her slip out of the room. The almost five years of peace had made him rusty, off his guard. 

He finds her on the balcony, leaning against the railing and staring out towards the setting sun. She’s not hiding. Instead, he can see she’s lost in thought, her teeth chewing on her bottom lip. 

She hears his footsteps, turns and smiles at him. Jyn knew it would only be a matter of time before Cassian found her. Though it did take him a little longer than she expected.

“You’re getting rusty, rebel,” she teases him. “What happened to the Alliance’s top intelligence agent?”

“He retired from the field,” Cassian responds, stepping towards her and winding an arm around her waist. “Found himself a beautiful wife to settle down with, a life that doesn’t require constantly surveying his surroundings.” 

“Sounds pretty nice, especially this wife,” she quirks her eyebrows up at him. 

“It is,” he grins, and presses his lips to her forehead. Then he pulls away, leans his back against the railing to stare at her face and gives her a look.

He’s only going to let her stall for so long. 

“You here to take me back to the party?” she asks. 

“I’m here to see why you left.” he tells her. Not long at all. 

“I just have a lot on my mind, I guess.” She frowns and looks away from him, out at the expanse of the city below. She tries to order her thoughts, put them in a way they can both understand. She’s not quite sure how to express what she’s been thinking, spurred on by her birthday and the news she just found out this afternoon. Cassian lets her take her time. The rest of the world is gone, the sounds of the party have faded. It’s just the two of them, Jyn pursing her lips as she tries to find the words, Cassian waiting patiently. 

“I’m getting old,” she tells him finally, but that’s not quite right. His eyebrows shoot up, and one corner of his mouth tugs at the side. 

“Ah yes 35, positively ancient,” he’s teasing her now, giving her a chance to laugh and move on, but his face is still open, questioning, willing to listen if she does want to talk. 

She considers taking the out, but it’s Cassian, the one person she can always be vulnerable with, so she tries again. 

“I’m older now than my mother ever was,” Jyn says, brows knit, the words sinking in, matching the feeling that’s been gnawing at her. 

That he understands.

It’s a consequence of surviving the war. They’ve grown older when their parents never had the chance. 

 

Jyn’s feelings about her mother, about all three of her parents for that matter, were still complicated. There was a part of her, a little girl sitting in the dark of a bunker, that had never quite forgiven them. 

Lyra Erso had made a choice that day, a choice to turn from Jyn and run to her father. As she’d grown older, Jyn realized her mother hadn’t chosen against her. It wasn’t that simple. But it was a choice that left Jyn alone to face this world. A choice that ended her mother’s life and defined her own. 

She knew her mother loved her, wanted to protect and guide her. The kyber crystal around her neck was constant proof of that. It was why she still wore it. But Jyn would always wish her mother would have made a different choice that day. 

“I take after her,” she says wistfully, more to herself than Cassian. She doesn’t have a lot of memories left about her parents, but what she remembers most about her mother is her fire, her passion, often bordering on recklessness. And Jyn definitely has fire. Her faith, too. That’s something Jyn found later in life. 

“I’m proud of that,” Jyn smiles, adamant. As much as she regrets the action, Jyn remembers the defiant look her mother gave Krennic and the shot she aimed at him with admiration. 

Cassian hums in acknowledgement, but otherwise stays quiet, waiting for her to go on. He knows all this, of course. She’s shared it with him over the years. He’s heard Jyn’s stories of Lyra’s beliefs, of her dedication to her work and her fierceness. He’s seen Jyn’s own behavior reflect it everyday, from bold, sometimes reckless maneuvers in battle to her now constant trust in the Force. 

Cassian, however, doesn’t realize how relevant it’s suddenly become. 

“But sometimes it scares me, Cassian,” she admits to him. She stares at the ground, focusing on the tiny fractiles of the flooring as she grips the railing tightly. “I’m afraid I’ll make her mistakes, make the wrong choice without even realizing it.” 

She finally lifts her head to him. Her eyes meet his, and they’re full of understanding. 

“You are a lot like your mother Jyn,” he says softly. “But that doesn’t mean you’ll do everything as she did.” 

“But I do, or at least I have,” she mutters. “Sometimes I let my own passion, my hotheadedness guide my choices, focusing on the next few moments, without thinking about the greater outcome, and what it will mean for those around me. That was fine when it was just me. When my own survival was the only thing I had to worry about. But… but it’s not just me anymore.” 

It hasn’t been for a while now, and she knows she’s grown in that time. But she wonders if it’s enough. 

“That’s just it. You’re not alone Jyn. You have me, and Bodhi and Chirrut and Baze, and a whole family. You don’t have to make decisions alone, on impulse. I’ll always be with you,” he tells her. He says each word carefully, depth behind each one. His eyes stay locked on hers, making sure she understands him. It’s a promise, one he’s already delivered on time and time again. “And you’ve had a different life than your mother. You’ve had to live with the outcome of her choices, and your father’s. You know the effect, and it weighs heavily on you. You won’t make their mistakes Jyn. You, we, will make our own, but we’ll handle them together.” 

She’s not sure if he knows it, but he’s managed to say exactly what she needs to hear. He always seems to, since the first time he welcomed her home. 

Jyn takes a deep breath, lets her concern leave her body with it. 

“You’re right,” she says, words she normally wouldn’t admit to anyone but him. “Thank you, Cassian.”

It’s all the comfort she needs, to be reminded that she doesn’t have to be perfect. And more importantly, that she won’t be alone.

Cassian tilts his head slightly, eyes narrowing, staring intensely at her. He’s trying to read her face, every inflection on it. 

“Jyn,” her name is drawn out on his lips, a question in the word itself. “Why is this all coming up now?” 

His words are light, a little breathless. His eyes widen. A part of his mind has already guessed the answer. Those intelligence skills aren’t as nearly as rusty as they thought. 

She smiles at him then. For all her worries, this is a happy moment. 

“I thought I might be for a few days now, and my appointment at the medcenter today confirmed it,” she told him. She takes a breath, teeth biting down on her bottom lip as her smile widens. “We’re having a child, Cassian.”

Jyn has had the great fortune of seeing Cassian Andor smile many times. She has been present, if not the reason, for most of the happiest moments in his life. But none of them compare to this. 

His whole face glows as a grin bursts across it. He laughs, a breathless sounds as he grabs her hands in his. 

“Really?” he asks her, an old instinct making him hesitate to accept such happy news. 

“Really,” she smiles back at him, laughing now, his joy increasing her own. 

He swoops her up in his arms. She feels his heartbeat steady against her own. It’s the two of them, holding tight to each other, as it has always been - on Scarif when they thought they faced death, on Jakku when they faced their future and now here as they face this. 

Jyn knows her own strength. She knows she will never abandon this child that has already grabbed hold of her heart. And she knows Cassian’s strength too. She knows he’ll always make a home for them, always fight for them. Together they had helped make a galaxy where children would not lose their parents like they had. After years of taking lives by each other’s sides in the name of war and peace, now they had the chance to create it together, in the name of family and love. 

 

Later they rejoin the party, with a whole new reason to celebrate.


End file.
